The King
10:41am
Dear Diary,
I awoke this morning in a sheer panic. I had actually slept for longer than 30 minutes! My first thought: OMG IS KING JETTSON ALIVE?!
My son has recently usurped my kingdom and demanded that I kneel before him and pledge my fealty to the “true” king of the Diaper Throne.
I have become a mere peasant in the eyes of the king and must assume this new position without further conflict if I expect to keep my head. Lucky for me all I have to do is change his diapers, wipe the milk from his chin, pat his back when he has gas, attend to his diaper rash, wake up every hour to console him, change him out of the incredibly complicated clothing he requires, wash just about everything that comes within 5 feet of him, and support him financially for the rest of my life. Sweet deal!
ANYWAY, I completely forgot that my mother in law (now known as GiGi the Patient of Panama) was downstairs with the King ensuring his gluttonous milk binge continued without interruption. She has been a God send and is keeping me as sane as I can be during this time of grievance for the loss of my kingdom.
I had gotten used to the Kings new found blue glow, as he is required by law to attach a blue light to him to help eradicate his impurities. The doctors in our village call it Jaundice. I guess the light was the best option, it was either that or a bucket of leeches and a chisel. When I awoke without the blue glow and slight whimpers that I’ve grown so “fond” of (again, don’t want to lose my head) Id thought I lost him! What a huge relief to find him safe in the dungeon enveloped in a drunken stupor, milk flowing from his chubby little cheeks, eyes barely open and grunting with satisfaction. I bowed before the King and tickled his little feet to make sure he was still conscious before whisking him away to his (used to be my) bedroom where he is yet again latched to his mother demanding another hot bottle of ale.
“Oh how the great have fallen as a new generation of Shockley takes charge of all that is holy”
