There are three lions that roam The Kingdom. They are not your ordinary lions, they are.. The Kootah Bears
Anya
AKA The Big Fuzzy
Blink
AKA the crazy asshole
Tiny
AKA The Tiny Moonst
Kootah Bear
NOUN
Pronounced KOOT-AH BAIR
Referring to a domesticated cat that lives and thrives in the Shockley Kingdom
Now these are no ordinary house cats. Kootah Bears are a ferocious breed known only to exist within the walls of the Shockley Kingdom. They have unique ability to vomit on soft surfaces that require thorough cleaning as well as the undeniable skill to place the perfect hairball. They are also known for consistently begging for food, water, treats, snuggles and litter changes.
The soft esophagus shaped pellet of partially digested cat food, hair, saliva and shame has once again brought much distress upon me.
It always seems to fit perfectly in the crease between the ball of my foot and my toes, squishing its way ever so softly into every crack and crevice.
I must hop my way to the nearest sink, hoping to contain the slimy disaster that has enveloped my left foot. Lightly brushing the cat vomit from between my toes, I feel defeated.
The King seems to be unfazed by the Bears roaming his new Kingdom. They are obviously comfortable with their new King as well, approaching him for the occasional sniff. The Big Fluffy seems to be the most interested in the King. His cries from the royal crib draw her attention from all corners of the Kingdom. She comes running to the Kings aid each and every time to ensure his survival in the moment. Lucky for her, she just sits and stares while the Parents he calls Peasants wipe his shiny rump.
Tiny is a different story. To her, the King doesn’t exist. In The Tiny Moosts mind, Tiny is number one. Cuddles are number two and food is number three. The King is nothing to her but a yellow chunk-filled diaper waiting to be thrown away, a stinky hard boiled egg that was forgotten in the back of the fridge, a pair of skid-marked ridden underwear that have been left under the bed for the past month, a speed bump of flesh and tears. You get the point. Tiny has a goal in mind. My lap. Now that the King has taken her position for much of the day I can see her already plotting her revenge. This will get interesting!
Blink.. Oh Blink. To anyone who may know me personally Blink is just a myth. A made up friend to keep me sane. But alas! She exists. Blink is the victim of an unfortunate couch incident that occurred few short days after we adopted her. Lets just say she is a $1300.00 rescue cat. Ever since “The Incident” Blink hasn’t shown her face to another human being for longer than the blink of an eye. See what I did there? So clever. Now this Kootah Bear is the most dangerous of the three. She runs faster than her dad runs to the fridge for a beer during the Penguins game. She poops in silence, never leaving a trace. The rare moments I’ve caught her eating is like watching a vacuum suck up a pile of Legos. Makes the same sound too! Those fortunate enough for Blink to grace them with her presence know that she is a beautiful Kootah Bear. Bright green eyes and a meow that kind of sounds like someone’s ripping her in half. Its really more of a banshee scream. She likes to do it outside our bedroom door at 5am shortly after the King has fallen asleep from his midnight milk -bomb. This wakes up the entire Kingdom and leads to some curse words and empty threats. Oh Blink.
At night the three Kootah Bears run through the Kingdom like horses galloping to victory in battle. As if keeping a three and a half week old baby sleeping is an easy task. They don’t care, they’re just another group that have tried for years to overthrow the Kingdom.
The nights are long, the days are full of naps and dirty diapers. But there is so much love in this Kingdom, Kootah Bears and all.
